I do my best to leave personal issues outside the fabrication shop. However, when you run a business with your family and a helper, things are harder to keep only to yourself.
This past year, for me, has been wrought with emotional personal issues that have taken my focus away from the one thing I wanted to achieve. The one thing I intensely focused on over the course of 2013 and 2014, running and growing a successful business.
None of what I have experienced this year is anything different from what anyone else in this world goes though. Heartbreak, depression, anxiety. All things we experience daily whether we know it or not. The problems arise when all of it starts to trump what is important; what I decided years ago was going to be my focus.
We get sidetracked as humans. Problems and stresses in our everyday start gaining on the stuff that is truly important to us as individuals. We forget about ourselves, leave our self-respect at the door and forget that life is about experiencing. Life is truly about making ourselves happy inside.
I have lost who I was, what made me happy and what could ultimately make me successful. I forgot about the things I enjoyed and why I decided business was fun for me in the first place. The reasons for therapy and working on being more assertive was so I, as an individual, could be happy with what I was doing, for me.
I give too much of myself. I let things bother me, which can lead to depression and feelings of inadequacy as a person, business owner and boss. We all go through the same things, it doesn't matter if you're the CEO, a parent, a student, rich or poor. We all have to deal with what's in our hearts, our minds and our souls.
We are all unique and exactly the same in so many different ways.
My company is family first, business second. We are here to help as much as we are here to make a living. This year I've let some people down with my mental absence from what is important. The embarrassment kept me from being honest with others and myself. Because of this we all suffered, I suffered, the company suffers. I forgot what was important, what I focused on and the goal is to get it back.
Some of these important people in my life probably aren't even aware I lost it.
The point is, I have, and it's weighing on me. Weighing on the company and will destroy what we have built so far if things are kept in check. Writing this out is a way for me to see a truth I've been hiding from myself for a while now. A truth that will teach as much as it will hurt.
I've been lost. The goal is finding myself and the identity of this company before it's too late. Before things get out of control and can't be put back in the box.